A migraine day and a backsliding day

 I feel like I'm building up tolerance to ritalin. It doesn't feel as effective anymore. Or is my brain finding better more innovative ways to self sabotage?

So I had that not-a-stroke thing that was all good until I got access to my MRI scans - before any medical report - which had a pic of my brain with a big green arrow pointing to a small white lump. I'm appreciative of getting quick access to these pics but it might be a better idea to withhold them until AFTER the medical explanation of what's on them.

Now I'm looking for stroke symptoms as well as ADHD symptoms. I forgot the guy's name who I've worked with for five years! I couldn't remember what 'sick leave' was called at first! 

... Nah, I do that all the time anyway.

Anyway my migraine yesterday knocked me about a little bit, but for longer. I still can't really focus on stuff and took ages to get out of the house this morning. Doom scrolling and constantly distracted. Realising that migraine hangover symptoms and ADHD behaviours are quite aligned. Interesting. 

I have the office christmas party tonight. The project I put blood sweat and tears into for nearly two years will likely win another award, with me out of the 'core team', which triggers my RSD again as well as a very neurotypical anger and disappointment. I'll go along, leave early, try to smile and laugh and not express my views too freely.

I'm looking forward to a weekend of introversion, just me and the cats at home, with a list of life admin but no expectation of doing any of it. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

soul food list

#SoulFoodList When I need love, affection, or adoration, I get this from: Helping other people and seeing them shine When I need attention or to feel special, I like: Being told I've done a great job. When I need peace or serenity, I'm in my happy place: drifting off to sleep on the porch of a hiking hut in the wilderness, listening to the dusk bird call or a babbling stream. When I need happiness or excitement, I get off on: Smashing out a PB deadlift or an impossible hiking day When I need thrill, adventure, pleasure, I like: driving fast but in control (and legally!) on a twisty road. When I need any or all the feels (or a good cry), I can: Listen to dire straits or the eurovision fire saga soundtrack. But I don't so much do feels.
Read more

Ritalin day one

I kinda like this Ritalin stuff. Toby says I got the fast release, not the slow release version because my doctor thinks I'm a responsible adult. Immediate release is 3-4 hrs and slow release is 8-12.  It feels like when I stop thinking, there is no monologue that keeps distracting me from stuff. Also I feel like I can feel the coffee hitting me harder. But it's hard to tell given I've just got back from Singapore - I feel refreshed and reset anyway, plus I've just changed 5 time zones. I don't need my europop or prog house mix in my head to focus I feel like the energiser bunny. I'm walking really fast. I feel a bit jittery. And I start a task and just ... do the task. I managed to have just one lunch at TJ Katsu, and just leave when I finished eating. So there's that! (Normally I stay on my phone, and then order a second lunch primarily to avoid work and stay on my phone for longer).  The day has passed in a blur! I don't know if I was more productive,...
Read more

a kilo up

Back from 87.9kg to 89kg in two days. I got this. I know what's happening and I can trust the process. In a fairly good mood this morning. I've got urgent dramatic tasks to do this morning so that should keep me focussed. I've got a couple of life admin things to knock off at lunch time. And the weekend will be busy! Keep focussed, keep productive. 
Read more